Newsflash, everything is still cheap

I skipped last week's entry because I've been in a self-pitying mood over boy stuff. I am not letting that happen again. 

Until I am feeling creative again, here's a few non-essential things that I've purchased for dirt cheap: 

1. Gel Manicure: 150,000 VND ($6.60)

2. Pedicure: 50,000 VND ($2.20)

3. Green Smoothie: 55,000 VND ($2.42)

4. Banh Mi (awesome sandwich): 10,000 VND ($0.44)

5. Yoga class: 50,000 VND ($2.20)

6. Full face wax: 300,000 VND  ($13.18)

7. Entrance to a nice-looking pool: 60,000 VND ($2.64)

8. Beer (at a nice-ish bar): 17,000 VND ($0.75) 

9. Silks class (taught by an American, this is just cheap because she's awesome): 340,000 ($14.93)

Me vs. the Maid

This is about to be the boujie-est sounding post in the world, but this has been bothering me for a while now. 

Right now, I live in what is essentially a dorm room with a bathroom en suite. I don't have a kitchen, or a washer and dryer. I don't have any roommates. This apartment is "serviced" which means I have a maid. If you're thinking about getting a serviced apartment, maybe take this into account:

I wish I didn't have a maid. 

I have asked my landlord to have her skip my room, but she still comes.

My Grievances Thusfar: 

1. She is paid to do my laundry, as I have no place to do it. She refuses to wash my underwear. I have asked other people with serviced apartments, they agree this is very strange. So, I have to wash all of my underwear by hand. COOL. As a result, my bathroom is always decorated in drip-drying panties like some kind of pervert hideout.

2. She comes to clean my apartment twice a week. At 8:30 AM! No matter how much I tell her to go away, she will not leave me alone until I let her in my room. She has knocked for 20 straight minutes before when I have been trying to sleep in. She speaks zero English, and I speak zero Vietnamese, so it is usually a bunch of wild gesticulating while I'm miserably hungover and wrapped in a towel.

3. She floods my bathroom. Regularly. I come back home and the whole floor will be wet and the spouts will be dripping. Rad.

4. She moves my stuff. Like stuff that shouldn't be moved. I have tons of worksheets and papers for my classes on my desk. They're constantly just... someplace else. Or when I couldn't find my hot water teapot thing, I eventually looked in the fridge and there it was! Because why not?!

As of yet, nothing seems to be missing, so there's that. Thankfully, my lease is up next month and I'm finding a new place to live that has a washer (that is capable of washing underwear) and roommates and maybe even a kitchen.

I'm a big dumb offensive foreigner

I've been teaching for about two months now but I had my "new teacher training" just 2 days ago. I found out that I have been committing cultural faux pas galore.  

(Except for one: Before I got to Vietnam, I looked up offensive gestures in this culture. Google told me not to cross my fingers, per the American "good luck" signal. Apparently this is a crude sign that refers to vaginas. I've spent some time looking at my crossed fingers, and I just don't see it, but whatever.)

What I didn't know:   

1. Touching the head is a no-no. I actually found THIS on Google as well, but it seemed to be more of a thing in Thai culture and not in Vietnam. I get now why some of the little kids were not so into Duck-Duck-Goose. 

2. Gesturing "come here" with one finger. Apparently this is super offensive because it is how you call over a dog? Whoops, I've been calling the three and four year olds like dogs this whole time. 

3. Showing anger? Well, this should be obvious, and I haven't really been angry in my class ever. But outside of class, when Dropbox was down, when the printer didn't work, the air conditioner was out, the copier didn't work, and the office staff didn't give me either of the books for a class in 15 minutes, I was visibly fuming. Never at anyone, but still. 

4. The floor is "dirty." In my 3-5 year-olds classes, we are constantly on the (carpeted) floor. We also have our shoes off. I have them crawl on the floor or even roll on the floor. And I don't care if this is a faux pas, it's really cute watching them scoot around the room, racing to touch colors. Maybe I'll just make sure they are in their seats when parents come to pick them up. The little ones don't seem to have a problem with the floor at all. 

Smoking

Almost the second I got Vietnam, I started smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. I haven't had one in a 9 days. (It's been 16 days since I "quit" but I smoked one at Teacher's Day after the wine free flow)

Back in the US, I was a "vacation" smoker. I smoked Camel crushes, only because Camel Crush representatives came into the Fox and Hound on $2 Tuesday (pint night) and gave out a bunch of vouchers for $1 packs. (They normally cost like $10 in the US) These are cigarettes with a little menthol ball in the filter that you crush to make a regular old cig into a menthol. I started out smoking when I was drinking. Or at a music festival. Or when I wanted to get off the floor at the restaurant I worked at. I thought I wasn't in danger of really being addicted-- I went to yoga 2x a week, ran 5x a week, and maybe got plastered on the weekends and smoked some cigarettes then but that was it. They were more of an accessory-- and a way to meet other inebriated people at parties and clubs. My boyfriend at the time also HATED cigarettes, so any time I lit up around him, I felt guilty. 

And then came Vietnam, land of the $1 pack and the near-nonexistent smoking bans. You can smoke everywhere, pretty much. Coffee shops. On your motorbike. Some restaurants. Bars. I even saw someone smoking in a goddamn hospital in District 10. I was in vacation mode for a solid month while I took the CELTA and started my job and went through all these crazy life changes. I was always sitting around waiting for things. What could I do? Play on my phone and smoke cigarettes. 

Starting a stressful, packed Saturday working at the language center? Smoke 2 cigarettes on the commute to work. Another cigarette an hour later on my 10 minute break teaching 4 year olds. Another one 2 hours later on my next break. Smoke at lunch. Smoke while I lesson plan. Smoke before I got to bed.  

Smoke while I write in this blog pretending to be a proper expatriate writer or something. Dumb. 

It was bad, and it's not just me. TONS of expats smoke. And everyone who quit smoking years ago starts smoking again. 

It's considered an epidemic here. According to the World Health Organization, as of 2010, 47.4% of Vietnamese men smoked. (Only 1.4% of women though, which I totally believe, as I have not seen a single female Vietnamese smoker since I have been here!) This is despite the required pictures of diseased eyes, teeth, and lungs plastered all over cigarette packages here. By comparison, about 15% of adults in the US smoke according to the CDC in 2015. 

Yeah, so anyway. I quit smoking, but I might as well have not, because I am probably inhaling at least a pack's worth a day secondhand. 

Homesick (3 months blues)

Maybe it's because the holidays are steadily approaching, or because my life is settling into a routine but I have been homesick in the past week.

Back when I had my apartment in West Philly, and I was planning to come here, I wrote myself a note in my journal. I was super depressed and I hadn't left the house that day. I don't even remember why. It says "You are capable of being miserable and feeling alone no matter where you are. You might as well feel that way in a foreign country." It's true, and it's helped me.

On the bright side: 

1. I was smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, and now I'm not anymore.

2. I found a hooping spot! I have been improving a lot. Now I just need to figure out how to get my hoops shipped here.

3. I am getting more comfortable teaching! I had a class last night that I was actually really happy with and I only planned for about 40 minutes, probably 20 minutes if I account for goofing around playing on AddictingGames.com

4. I booked a flight to Bali for Tet.

5. I went to my first Teacher's Day event through VUS. It was held in this crazy convention center and it was way more opulent than I expected. Everyone was pretty dressed up. They had a pretty extensive buffet and free-flow wine and a bunch of little performances onstage by teachers and assistants at different VUS campuses. 10/10 would attend again.

I finished all my Visa crap, you guys!

It has been about a month since I started at my job, and I JUST now finished gathering all of my paperwork for my work visa and gave it to HR. With any luck, I'll be able to get a visa extension so I do not have to hop the border to Cambodia in 2 weeks when my tourist visa runs out.

So, I came here with ZERO paperwork. (How did I manage to kick around the idea of moving to Asia for 2 years and didn't think to bring any paperwork with me? Because I am an irresponsible moron, that's why)

So, learn from my mistakes. If you are coming to Vietnam and you want a work visa, bring:

1. your original diploma from your college/university
2. your police check
3. passport photos

I didn't do this. I'm dumb. Luckily, I was able to wing it.  And also, despite how insane some things about Vietnam are, most government buildings aren't that bad. Despite the language barrier, a lot of things mostly make sense. Mostly.

Here are all the documents I needed to get my work visa and how I got them: 

1. My diploma from Temple University. I had to contact my school and have them send it expedited (expensive). It took 3 weeks. Then I had to take my diploma to the American Consulate where they notarized it for me for $50. THEN I had to take the notarized form to the ERO (I have no idea what that stands for, maybe external residence office?) and they took it, made me pay another 60,000 VND. They kept it for 24 hours to translate it and give me a big red stamp. I had to pick it up the next day.

2. My American Police Check. So apparently, I could have gotten around this, but I was nervous. I went to the IOM (Immigration Office) and they fingerprinted me. Then, I found an FBI channeling service that promised to expedite my background check request called "National Background Check." I paid them a buttload of money, and sent my fingerprints to them. They sent my background check to my mom in the US. She sent the fingerprints to me. Then I had to get that notarized the same way as the diploma. Ick.

3. My Vietnamese Police Check. UGH. This one. This one sucked. No one spoke English, anywhere. No one wanted to help me. I was extremely confused. After several false starts and much annoyance, this is what happened: I had to get my landlord take my passport to the local police station and have them sign some paper stating that I live in my apartment. My lease wasn't good enough, apparently, and neither was the "house book" that every house in Vietnam apparently must keep. Then I had to take that paper to the Department of Justice attached to another paper, ALL in Vietnamese with zero translation. (They, of course, lost this paper once. I had to go do it again). Then they gave me a receipt and told me to come back and pick up the results in 3 weeks.

4. Health Check. I did this at a Vietnamese hospital. It was confusing. I think that not speaking Vietnamese worked in my favor; I witnessed hundreds of people waiting in various lines, I cut them ALL.

5. A certified copy of my passport (and visa). I had to go to the People's Committee Office in District 1 and see a notary. This was fine. No one spoke English, but they didn't need to, the place ran like clockwork.

6. 6 Passport Photos: I had to go to a photo center. This was also fine. And cheap. And my photos came out really good, I wish I'd bought extras.

7.My Celta Certificate. It took Apollo about 5 weeks to get the actual certificate to me. I picked it up and had it notarized at the same time I did my diploma and American Police Check.

How the Election Looks from Vietnam

"Aren't you glad you're not here right now for this?" -- paraphrased from pretty much everyone I've talked to from home in the past month.

I am 8,100 miles away from home right now, but I might as well not be. Besides the fact that my social life is half digital thanks to Facebook and Instagram, even my real-world surroundings are buzzing with conversations about the election. On the official side, the American consulate in Saigon held an election results viewing party, which seemed to be well attended. (I slept in, and then went to the pool all day instead. My bad). But on the unofficial side, most of the small talk I've had with the locals has been about the election. Two weeks ago on my way home from work, my cab driver decided to campaign to me. He says "Hillary Clinton, number 1! Donald Trump, bad!" followed by him finding a paper cup somewhere in the front of his cab and violently throwing it (presumably the way he would throw Donald Trump were he present). The adult elementary-level students in my CELTA class would ask, "Trump or Clinton?" back in September, months before the actual voting.

In the lounge at work, teachers from all over the world are ready to share their opinions (generally the same opinion, though. Take a wild guess which candidate a bunch of liberal, well-traveled expatriates like). Lots of people are drawing comparisons between Trump's election and Brexit. I went out to a bar on Wednesday night, just about everyone was deep in conversation about the dire situation in the United States. Even my students on Wednesday, aged about 11-13 interrogated me, asking "do you like Donald Trump?"

Maybe I'm an idiot to be surprised at the shockwaves the American election has caused here. I've spent a great deal of time here adjusting my thinking to try to be less Western-centric, assuming that maybe my students don't know major Hollywood movies or American music, or even American food. But holy shit, suddenly everyone is desperately interested in what the hell is going on over in FattyFatFatMcDonaldsland, and I'm left trying to explain (with the shreds of my memories from AP government class, so very badly) how the electoral college works, and even how the branches of American government work.

So everyone at home, in case you were wondering, the world really is watching with a jumbo size of popcorn. I am probably just going to pretend that I am from Canada for a little while.

Talking About Money is Tacky (Part II)

Way back in August, I wrote a post called "Talking About Money is Tacky" where I calculated that I spent about $3,350 on my move to Vietnam and I earmarked another $3,000 as survival money.

Now, one month out from the CELTA ending and a few days shy of receiving my first paycheck, I'm reevaluating.


1. Extra nights at An Vui (my hotel) until I found an apartment: 1,400,000 VND
2. Apartment + deposit: 12,000,000 VND 
3. I budget about 500,000 per day (x 30 days) + (300,000 for 30 days during CELTA) on food and booze: 30,300,000 VND
4. Health Check (required for my work permit): 625,000 VND 
5. Bike Rental (1 month with Honda Airblade at 3 mil, 1 month with Honda Wave at 1 mil) 4,000,000 VND. 
6. Fingerprints done at immigration office for my American Background check: 4,000,000 VND 
7. Cost to mail fingerprints to FBI Channeler: 2,000,000 VND 
8. Paying Temple to send me an original copy of my diploma because I am an idiot and didn't arrange this before: 1,750,000 VND.
9. Applying to have my Vietnamese background check done: 3,000,000 VND 


= 44,075,000 VND ~ $1,974.68 USD  

Truthfully, I have not done Saigon as cheaply as I could have, especially on the food front. I could be getting by on 60,000 VND a day instead of 500,000 VND a day but I am a fat pig.

The First Full Weekend

So naive of me, former office 9-to-5 office drone that I am, thinking that it would be a good idea to update this blog on Sundays. That is not going to fit into my new life as an ESL teacher at all. I will always be run completely into the ground on the weekends. Wednesdays it is.

To clear up some confusion, I do not teach at a public school. I work at a private language center, so the majority of my hours are on nights and weekends. (Mostly weekends). I just experienced my first "real" week of teaching, clocking in at 19 hours. I taught one teenage class (3 hours) last Thursday, and then 9 hours of classes on Saturday and another 7 on Sunday. As a new teacher, this is daunting. During the CELTA, I had endless hours (even days) to plan 45 minutes of a lesson. Obviously, teaching 16 hours in 2 days, I do not have this luxury anymore. As a brand new teacher, I do not have the "stalling" -- or "expansion"-- skills to make class exercises longer yet. I do not have an arsenal of classroom games stored in my head to eat up minutes at the end of class where a bunch of teenagers just want to play on their mobiles and make fun of me in Vietnamese.

To begin with, I was pretty sick this weekend. I am not sure if it is the pollution or my increasingly worrisome smoking habit, but I was in the throes of a pretty serious sinus infection. I was exhausted because I couldn't sleep on Friday night due to nerves. I lost my motorbike keys, so I had to take Grab to work. I barely made it through Saturday. Espresso kept me going all day, I didn't even get to eat until I got home at 10 pm.

On Sunday, I nearly lost it. I was scheduled to teach a class at 7:40 am. I got to the language center at 6:40 am to prepare, but the printers, air conditioner, copiers, and internet were not working. I didn't have the book for two of the classes I was supposed to teach, and the office staff did not arrive until 7:35 am. I didn't have the supplementary materials (puppets, posters, etc) required by the books that I did have. I couldn't even print coloring or "hidden pictures" pages for the students to do. I made it, though, just barely.

I learned more in those two days than I did in the whole month of the CELTA. I now know how to entertain a bunch of 5 year olds for 2 hours with a big soft number die and a few flashcards. I know not to let 23 teenagers stand up during class, because they'll never sit down again. I learned a game called "Sumo," that 6-10 year olds love, and will, in fact, chant and whine for until we play it. I actually have sore quads from doing so many rounds of "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" with the little kids (and running up and down the stairs because I can't handle the banshee-style screaming in the elevator).

Despite my complaining, I am happy. I survived the worst-case scenario weekend. I earned double my rent working for 2 days. I feel myself improving. This weekend didn't feel any worse than working 2 doubles in a row at a restaurant (ESL teaching feels a LOT like working in the service industry, actually!) I can do this.

My first classes

I taught my first two honest-to-god paid classes this weekend.

Last night, taught a class of teenagers for three hours. The lesson is pretty clearly laid-out in the teacher's book, but I still spent hours preparing anyway. It was not nearly as difficult as I thought. The other teachers at VUS have been so helpful in explaining where to find resources, games, and how to arrange a lesson. I was warned that teenagers are a more difficult group but I was very lucky-- I got an insanely loud class. I was worried that I would get a very shy, very disconnected group and I would have to force them to talk. With this class, it's actually hard to actually get them to shut up and sit down. I can't blame them. Their desks are really uncomfortable and I'm just some dumb new person who doesn't know how to pace a class. I'll be better off next time. It didn't help that I did not have my "share" folder yet, so I couldn't sprinkle in videos or audio clips.

I stupidly tried to relate to the teenagers by asking if they play Pokemon Go. Apparently this is not cool to them, because that is for "kids." The boys like super violent games and mentioned that they like killing prostitutes in Grand Theft Auto 5. Inappropriate. Also inappropriate, a few times one of them said "what the fuck?!" and then the whole class would chant "TEACH-UH! TEACH-UH so-and-so said FUCK!" I still have to figure out how/if I want to deal with this. They clearly know that it is a bad word and they should not be saying it in class, but I have no real power to punish them for saying it. Drawing attention to it seems like it will only make it worse. I've been putting on "earmuffs" and giving them my best angry mom face.

This afternoon, I taught 6 to 10 year olds for 2 hours. I had only ever observed a class of under 4 year olds and a class of 6 year olds. I had no idea how to deal with these guys. Thank god for my amazing teaching assistant. They were very energetic and willing to participate, but unfortunately knew all of the material for my entire lesson. I think I learned more in that lesson than they did, mostly that I need to develop an arsenal of educational games to play and probably keep a book of hidden-pictures in my bag in case I need to fill up time. I think I will get better at this in time. I am very willing to look stupid and sing loudly, which seems to be an asset for teaching kids.

Overall, though, I am loving this. It is going to be really fun. I left my teenage class buzzing with energy. I'm sure it will wear off (judging from the other teachers) but for now I am ready to dive into this.

Loss

I skipped Sunday. A lot of things have been going on. I'll try not to make a habit of it. 

I thought that I did not miss home at all.

I was wrong. I haven't been feeling homesick because I bailed on my life and started a new one. Everything fresh, everything unfamiliar. Vietnam Nadine is very happy. She just got a job, she found an apartment, she can navigate the streets of Saigon on her motorbike and give directions to backpackers. She's independent and a little reckless. She makes friends easily, drinks too much, and smokes too many Vietnamese cigarettes. She's pretty selfish.

And yet... I should be feeling loss. My niece was born two weeks ago, and who knows when I will get to meet her. My friends are starting new jobs and new exciting things. Everyone is making plans for Halloween. My family is probably getting together for Thanksgiving. My relationships are crumbling because I can't be bothered to maintain them. I feel loss and regret very acutely for a minute or two at at time, but that's it.

Maybe I am feeling a little moody because I have decided that I am staying here for longer than a year. I am on a part time contract for 3 months at a language school, and if I get my work permit and am invited to stay, I will probably sign for a full year. This will extend my time in Saigon to almost 18 months, especially factoring in the backpacking and traveling that I want to do. And who knows, if I am good at this, maybe I will stay longer. I don't know. I am having a proper quarter-life crisis.

Real Life Starts Now(ish)

The CELTA class is over. I passed, if anyone was feeling the suspense. I went out on a good note, with significantly less anxiety affecting my performance in my last lesson.

The students in our teaching practice class took us to a beautiful restaurant in a park to celebrate on Friday (see above, some of my CELTA classmates and 2 students). I got to eat the most enormous snails I've ever seen in person. I didn't even have to drown them in butter like I do with escargot. 

I am still in the midst of my post-CELTA celebration. I spent yesterday at a spa/pool in District 7-- it only costs 110,000 VND to hang out all day-- nursing a hangover from Friday night. I got sushi in the most creepily-empty plaza I've ever seen. Right now, I am supposed to be packing to go to Vung Tau, a beach a few hours away. My lovely world-traveler friend, Jo, made the bookings, I just have to show up at the ferry. 

When I get back, I need to get a job, get an apartment, get some Crocs, find a yoga studio, find an esthetician, find a hoop practice space, get a better brick charger so I can play Pokemon Go for longer, and figure out what I am doing with my life... probably in that order. I've been in vacation mode until now, even in the midst of the CELTA training. I wish I had the funds to stay in vacation mode forever. 

6 Things I Didn't Bring And Wish I Had

1. My disc golf discs. It turns out, there is a course here and a small community of people here who play. They seem very nice, and willing to let me borrow their discs. 

2. Crocs. No seriously. Not the clog/virgin kind. Apparently Crocs make a whole bunch of cute rubber flats. The girls in my CELTA course wear them every day, they seem perfect for monsoon season. 

3. Wax pot/kit. I don't know why I thought this would be available here. All was quiet on the expat group when I asked.  

4. More long pants. I brought 2 pairs of jeans and various silly leggings but it's not enough. All I want to do is wear long pants because I am delicious to mosquitoes here. 

5. My poi. I have so many pairs of poi, I could have supplied our whole circus club with them. And here I am with none :( 

6. More board games, especially Cards Against Humanity. I haven't found a place to buy them here yet. I brought Scrabble and a deck of cards, but that is it. 

5 Things that Happened (Outside of the CELTA)

In list form, because I have things to do today

 

I have been making a massive effort to do things other than CELTA-homework-eat-repeat. It's difficult because the class is intensive, but it is extra difficult because my classmates are super studious. Almost no one wants to go out. Some of my classmates have kids or boyfriends/girlfriends here and they're struggling to fit the CELTA into their lives. Some of them are not native English speakers so they have to work extra hard on some of the more pronunciation-heavy assignments. I am very much in vacation mode, and I'm one of the youngest people in the class, so I have been striking out on my own a lot.   

1. I met circusy people. 

I wrote a post on a female expat Facebook group desperately trying to find someone to hula hoop with. I actually got a response AND in addition, someone told me about the very first "circus meetup" at Indika, a bar near my hotel. I brought my hoops (which were kind of a hazard because Indika is a teeny tiny hippie spot with stuff all over the walls and ceiling). It turns out there are plenty of other flow artists in town who crave a creative outlet. Though this group, I learned about Quest festival in Hanoi and acroyoga jams. I am really optimistic that this group will ignite a circus/flow scene in Saigon. 

2. I bought tickets to a music festival 

This sounds easy enough but it was actually a 2 week ongoing debacle. When I first got to HCMC, I was stranded in my hotel because I was scared of the Xe Oms and the language barrier. Also, I was just feeling alone and sorry for myself. I went on forums and social media and tried to find something that felt like home, which for me was adding every SE Asian page that had "rave" or EDM in it (roll your eyes, I don't care). I found out about a festival here in town called Land of Dreams on September 25th. I'm pretty sure it is some kind of extension/copycat of the "Dreamstate" festival circuit in the US. 

I contacted the promoter, who speaks English, to make sure I am allowed to bring hula hoops (because priorities). After the go-ahead, I spent the next 2 weeks trying to convince someone to go with me to this show. No one from the CELTA would commit because we have class the day afterward. I convinced a friend I met in New York to come with me and then I started trying to get the tickets. 

First, my credit card did not work on their website because I do not have a Vietnamese bank account. Then, they tried to use a delivery service to deliver the tickets to my hotel and I would pay upon arrival in cash. They gave me a 3 day window of when the tickets might show up. I am stuck at the CELTA training center for hours a day during the week and I am usually somewhere else all weekend, so that didn't work.

THEN my friend and I tried to go to the box office during rush hour and we could not find it, despite zipping through pedestrians on the sidewalk on motorbike during a thunderstorm. By the time we are looking around for the office, it was past their closing hours stated online. The next day, I went back and gave myself plenty of time. I still ended up standing on a street corner telling the promoter what buildings I saw until she got on her motorbike and hand delivered the tickets to me. By this time, the festival is mostly sold out so of course I end up paying 330,000 VND each (google says $14.80 right now, but I am thinking it is just a particularly bad exchange rate).  

TL;DR I spent hours of my life attempting to get tickets to the show, and I got them.

3. I went to probably the coolest bar I've ever been to. 

There's this bar called "Saigon Outcast" that I pretty much want to live in. They have a skate park and a rock wall. While I was there they had a theater troupe doing live performances. The drinks are cheap (they are pretty much everywhere) and there are dogs running around (which is also pretty much true everywhere). I brought my hula hoops with me, and no one gave me a hard time about it at all. Some people even tried hooping with them. 

Side note: the expats I met at Outcast and at other places have all been amazing.  Everyone made me feel better about my culture shock, my fear of the motorbikes, and my feeling of isolation. In general, people are down to try new things and are not afraid to look a little silly. And I have noticed that there is less "flaking out" (except in the case of the sudden rain storms where you don't want to be out on your bike, we are in the rainy season after all).

4. I lost weight! 

Not even on purpose, but I am not complaining. The tiny-bit-too-small clothes from my suitcase now fit perfectly. I guess I just haven't been as hungry, and the things I do eat have been pretty healthy.

5. I RENTED A BIKE! AND I RODE IT. 

I was deathly afraid of the motorbikes when I got here. Just thinking about being on one made me feel sick. A CELTA classmate agreed to go with me to get one. He had a bike in England, so he knew which ones were a good idea for a complete nerve-case beginner like me. We settled on this itty bitty automatic scooter-looking thing he got something manual that I wouldn't know how to drive. Guess whose bike looks cooler. 

Unfortunately for me, we picked a rental place in one of the busiest parts of the city, so my very first mile was through insane Saigon traffic. I got used to the bike pretty quickly, though. We rode around the city aimlessly for a while. Surprisingly, I already knew the streets a little bit, just from riding around in taxis and on xe oms. 

I am hooked. I am not scared at all anymore, except of having my foot run over at a stoplight. Motorbiking around here is in my top 5 favorite things to do ever. I'm sure it will get old when I use it to commute day in and day out, but for now, I am so stoked about it. No more cursing my phone when the Grab app isn't working. No more confusing charades games with taxi drivers who don't speak English and can't figure out my few horrible Vietnamese phrases. The city is mine!

In general, I haven't been doing all the fun "travel-y" things I want to do yet. (I've been too busy) but think I could see Saigon as my home. I see why people stay here. 

The First Week of The CELTA

I began the CELTA course at Apollo last Monday. The CELTA is a British course offered by Cambridge English. It's available all over the world, and is supposedly standardized (as evidenced by all grading rubrics and paperwork that we fill out.) 

If you want the whole low-down, it is available on the Cambridge English website, but here is the basic layout:  

The course is INTENSIVE and it lasts a month. It is meant to be a crash-course in becoming an English as a Second Language teacher. It goes Monday through Friday, 9 am to 5 pm, but I have been there until at least 8:00 pm every night preparing. (And some nights I have worked until midnight in my hotel) There are twelve total people in the class, but we are split into two groups of 6 for "Teaching Practice."

Teaching Practice is every morning between 9 am and 11:15 and consists of three 45 minute lessons that we are to give to adult learners. (The learners pay a deposit to take the class, and if they attend 80% of our classes, they get their deposit back. They are aware that we are learning to be teachers.) 3 out of the 6 of my group will teach one day, and the other 3 teach the next. Each lesson is observed carefully by the non-participating students as well as two "tutors" (the CELTA teachers). We take a 15 minute break from 11:15 to 11:30, and then we all critique each other. The rest of the day, both groups of 6 are in one room together and we learn how and how not to teach. Anything we learn about in this afternoon session becomes part of our grade for subsequent Teaching Practice sessions. On top of that, we also have 4 big assignments. 3 other CELTA students and I spent all of Saturday in a coffee shop working on the first one. I still have not finished.

So far, I am really thankful for the course. I have never been so uncomfortable and challenged in my life. The class incorporates all the things that scare me the most: being in charge, public speaking, explaining things, and being judged. Thankfully, it seems to be challenging for everyone else in my class, even those who have been teaching for years. It creates a very supportive environment, like we are all struggling together.

I am struggling more than others. It is a humbling experience. I am passing, though, so I am trying not to worry about it. It also helps that the learners are very kind and supportive. They are all Vietnamese adults, and many of them are local teachers. They noticed I was really nervous during my first lesson. (I was. I couldn't look up from my notes or figure out what to do with my hands.) One woman said she was terrified in her first class, and that it would get easier. She was right.  

This course is my life for the next 3 weeks. It feels good to be back in school again and to be so absorbed in studying that I don't have time to feel homesick.

First Impressions

I am really fed up with blogspot. It is blocked in Vietnam, and although I can get around that with a VPN, for some reason it also won't let me add photos. Very annoying. I am taking suggestions for a new platform! 

It's been a few days, I thought I would check in. Thanks to the 11 hour time difference and my lack of self-control, I am still dealing with jet lag, so that has hindered both my sanity and my motivation to really go out and experience everything. I am really over being an American vampire.

Here are a few things that I've learned and/or noticed so far: 

1. Nobody walks/Motorbikes reign supreme. 

Don't get me wrong, there are a couple of people milling around from market to market, but they aren't going very far. They certainly aren't trekking for a few miles. Practically everyone rides on a motorbike. I thought this was strange at first, but now I get it. It is SO HOT here. I got exhausted and sweaty walking everywhere in the heat. I have started grabbing a xe om (motorbike taxi) to get around and things have gotten so much easier. Or rather, I am still really bad with the language barrier, so I have opted to use "Grab" instead. Grab is a smartphone app similar to Uber. You can choose to hail a taxi or motorbike with your smartphone, choose your route on the maps function, and you can pay through the app so you don't have to deal with the currency at all. It gets rid of the haggling aspect of the Xe Om while simultaneously being much cheaper. Note that catching a Xe Om is not expensive to begin with. My first ride cost 50,000 VND or $2.24 USD. By comparison, a similar ride on Grab during non-peak hours might cost around $1 to $1.75. Just in case this all sounds so suave and adventurous to you, I will fully admit that I was TERRIFIED of the bikes until a wonderful expat talked me into getting on a bike, communicated with the driver for me, AND paid for my first ride since I was bumbling around with my money so much. I was so shaken I couldn't even take my own helmet off after the ride. 

2. The traffic is terrifying. 

Duh, right? I knew this was coming, because it is the first thing that everyone who has ever been to HCMC has told me. I guess this could really be a subsection of #1, but HOLY SHIT. There is no understating how insane the traffic is without being in it. Stoplights are few and far between and they are kind of like suggestions that most, but not all, follow. Motorbikes bob and weave randomly into any empty space on the streets and lanes are pretty much meaningless in some places. Pedestrians (human, canine, and feline alike!) walk straight into the street and somehow don't get hit. In a way, it is a little less scary than the US because I do not get the impression that the drivers are on their phone and/or drunk out of their mind, but it is unnerving to be in a state of near-collision all the time. Since I was so terrified of the Xe Om the first day, and the actual car taxi drivers I encountered often didn't recognize the address of my hotel, I had to get used to crossing the street right away. My new habits might kill me when I get back to the states.   

3. The food is amazing. 

The main way I have fed myself is by pointing at things other people are eating or by pointing at menus. Everything I have eaten has been a surprise, because I effectively had no say of what actually went into it. The most mysterious meal I had was the first night, when I pointed at a menu that had no photos on it and got something that looked like rice with some kind of rubbery meat on it. I think it might have been seafood of some sort, but I can't be sure. It was really spicy and tasted phenomenal. It also only cost me $3 and it was a big enough portion that I couldn't finish it. Unfortunately, whether from anxiety or this horrific jet lag, I haven't really had my normal appetite. When it returns, though, I am going to eat every unfamiliar food in sight. 

4. I packed badly. 

People dress like ninjas here, at least that I've seen so far. Long sleeves, long pants, hats, and pollution masks while they ride their motorbike. I have a whole suitcase full of clothes I feel uncomfortable wearing. My shorts are too short, my shirts show too much skin, and my whole wardrobe just draws more attention than I am comfortable with. I am not about to take fashion advice from the local women around here (there's lots of strange pattern outfits that fit like hospital scrubs here), but I wish I'd packed more modestly. I thought there was no way that anyone was actually wearing sweatshirts and long pants in 90 degree heat. I was wrong. 

5. I have no idea WTF I am doing. 

No really. I am alone (pretty much), completely adrift, and am experiencing culture shock. I would love if I could just look at things as they are, but I naturally have to compare absolutely everything to what I already know. I am not an excellent communicator even when I have English at my disposal, but I am hopeless when a language barrier is in place. I've lived with myself for 25 years, I have expected this. But there's that tricky space in between knowing something intellectually and actually dealing with it. It's like if there was a deep sea fish, probably living her normal life at at a couple thousand feet under the sea, going to her deep sea fish job, attending deep sea fish music festivals dating her deep sea fish boyfriend. The fish reads like, a couple books and checks out The Lonely Planet's entry on The Surface and decides to go live there by herself, but the change in atmospheric pressure has her all stretched out on the verge of exploding. (That botched metaphor sounded better in my head). What I mean to say is, I am all over the place. I'm so exhausted, lonely, and overwhelmed and just want to chill out somewhere but I also feel this pressure to go see ALL THE THINGS because this is the one time I get to explore and do all of this. 

I am not including this last part for pity, but just for honesty's sake. I would hate to give a false impression should anyone read this blog and decide that they also want to potentially explode. I am sure that some people could show up in Saigon, instantly hop on a motorbike and see all the sights and make lots of interesting friends, but I am also equally certain that I am not an aberration. It will get better for me, considering that every day I have become more and more comfortable. Also, my CELTA class starts tomorrow and I will no longer have free time for angst. 

I'm Writing this Post From My Hotel In Saigon

I could have written a few blog posts between the packing list (which was not accurate to begin with and then changed ALMOST completely so that entry is as good as useless) and this one but I have been either packing, working, or aggressively drinking. What was I supposed to do, update some blog no one reads during my last few days alone with my boyfriend?  

I was a huge worrier this whole trip, of course. I am not, in any sense, a seasoned traveler. I have only traveled outside of the country for the first time this year to go to Costa Rica, and Max (the boyfriend) pretty much did all the mental lifting required for that. I have NEVER traveled by myself by plane, even domestically. And with that caveat:

The trip was not terrible. At all. The whole thing beginning to end was downright easy. Max dropped me off at JFK where it took me a whopping 15 minutes to check in and get through security since it was 11 at night. I flew on EVA air from JFK airport in NYC to Taipei (15.5 hours) and then had a 2 hour layover and then it was another 3.5 hours from Taipei to Ho Chi Minh City. I cannot say enough good things about EVA air: they gave me a pass on my ludicrously overweight luggage and even gave me a pass on an extra freakin bag that they definitely could have charged me another $150 for, the seats were roomy and comfortable, there were lots of movies and games to play on their in flight entertainment system, I pretty much walked around the whole plane with impunity when I got antsy, and the in-flight food was like 4 steps better than a suburban high school cafeteria. Their plane was huge and felt modern and ergonomically designed to make you chill out. The pilot on the JFK to TPE trip even gave this zen little speech about being disconnected from all the problems of the world while you slip the tethers of the lower atmosphere and the busy people and goings-on in the countries below. Which I guess would be true, except you could pay $12 an hour for WiFi. I didn't. I'm cheap. I read 2 books and watched 2 movies and swilled white wine until I fell asleep.

The Visa on Arrival was just as easy as the website told me it would be. All I had to do was hand the person working the desk the some printouts I received via email, a visa application/questionnaire, a photo of myself, and my passport. I waited around for a little bit until my name was called, and then I paid 25 USD and got my passport stamped. The thing that really stood out about this process is that other tourists who were waiting around to get their Visa were assholes. I feel bad for whatever Vietnamese beach village is going to be overrun by those velour tracksuit-wearing, fake eyelash-batting savages. GROWN ADULTS pushing and shoving, cutting the queue, and harassing the staff. Plus I chased down a lady who dropped her passport as she's rushing off toward customs, you would think from the way she looked at me that I was trying to hand her a dead animal.

I thought for sure getting a taxi would be this huge debacle, what with all the complaints online people have about unscrupulous taxi drivers driving you off into Districts unknown and extorting you for a ride to your hotel. This is not how it went down at all. I went to a desk at the airport to buy a SIM card. ($9 for 12 gigs seemed pretty good to me!). At the same spot, I bought a pre-determined taxi trip to my hotel for another $9. The cab, thankfully, had air conditioning and I got to experience the complete free-for-all that is the traffic flow here. Seriously, even though I have seen videos and read tons of accounts of crazy motorbike traffic here, I was still unprepared for how crazy it is. That will probably be a post in itself. Within 30 minutes of constant near low-speed collisions, I was at the front desk of my hotel.

Which brings me to now. I'm in my room, waiting for my various electronics to charge. This place is like a step up from a hostel, maybe a step down from a Motel 6. It is private and looks mostly clean though. I am DYING to explore, but I am pretty much falling asleep as I write this.

How to Fit Everything into 2 Checked Bags and a Carry-On

My flight is in 13 days, and I am pretty much done packing. 

(I had to pack extra early because my mom is picking up the stuff I am putting in storage this weekend.)

I am a tall chunky-ish chick moving to a country of petite women so I have packed as if I cannot buy clothes for the next year. This means I have mostly packed clothes, not cooking stuff, no backup shampoo and soap, none of my craft materials. Also, about 60% of my stateside wardrobe is neon, furry, shiny, hippie, trippy, or skanky. I decided not to bring much of that with me under the assumption that I will not be attending music festivals or burner parties on the reg anymore. As a result, my luggage is a depressing collection of neutrals made for mixing and matching. 

My hula hoops presented a challenge. Hooping is my favorite thing in the world and I have become very picky about what kinds of plastics I will use, what size hoops I'll use, and I have invested about a month's worth of rent into a wicked fancy LED hula hoop called the Hyperion. Since the hoops are a specialty item, they are probably not available for purchase in Vietnam and I have to bring all the hoops I'll want with me. I wish I could bring all of my hoops, but they are extremely bulky when coiled down and lovingly swaddled in bubble wrap.  I decided to bring 5 total, including my Hyperion. 

With that in mind, here is my master list: 

Checked Bags (1 large wheeled suitcase, 1 large hiking backpack):

1. Clothes 
1. 3 dress pants 
2. 3 work dresses 
3. 8 work blouses
4. silver work flats 
5. silver work sandals
6. 1 black cardigan
7. 4 pairs of long jeans (1 wide flare, 1 dark tight jeggings, 1 black skinny, 1 light boot cut)
8. tons of bras and underwear 
9. running/yoga clothes 
1. 5 pairs running shorts 
2. 3 pairs yoga leggings 
3. 3 sweat-tek shirts
4. 5 sports bras
10. harem pants (2 pairs)
11. blue clubby dress
12. street-wear shorts (3 pairs)
13. 2 pairs sweatpants
14. Ankle height minnetonkas (2x)
15. High Minnetonka fringe boots
16. Calvin Klein Hi-top sneaks
17. 1 pair silver flippy floppies
18. socks. tons and tons of socks. 
19. headbands 
20. tank tops (8x)
21. 2 sundresses
22. lots of booty shorts for under all the dresses
23. shawl/dress thing 
24. blackmilk leggings (2x) 
25. tie dye festival dress
26. 5 pairs of sunglasses 
27. red bug honeycomb glasses
28. white willy wonka glasses
29. polka dot rave backpack 
30. clubby black purse clutch thing 
31. bathing suits (3 pairs)
2. Yoga Mat & strap
3. HULA HOOPS:
1. Hyperion hoop plus remote, cord, charger, batteries
2. neon green 32” polypro
3. translucent blue 32” polypro
4. orange 32” polypro
5. copper 28" polypro
6. fire hoop quick wicks (these are used, I hope they don't get confiscated!)
4. Sheets and pillow case set
5. Towels (2) 
6. giant batik tapestry
7. Ukulele & tuner in carrying case
8. UE Boom & Charger 
9. REDACTED
10. Toiletries 
1. silk rops 
2. razors  
3. shampoo & conditioner 
4. nail clippers
5. lotion 
6. Clarisonic & charger
7. pads n tampons and all that
8. perfume 
9. backups of my eyeliner, concealer, and mascara
10. Mehron silver and gold sweatproof body paint
11. Bug Spray 
12. bedazzled flask 
13. note pad 
14. pens
15. tripod
16. converters (3x)
17. blow dryer 
18. straightener
19. ENO hammock 

Carry-On (rolly bag, Jansport medium backpack): 

1. passport 
2. Cash
3. plane ticket confirmation
4. BoA Card 
5. photocopies of BoA Card and Passport 
6. journal
7. Required CELTA reading
8. Visa on Arrival paperwork & copies 
9. toothpaste & toothbrush 
10. Wipes
11. Laptop & Charger 
12. Phone & Charger 
13. Kindle & Charger 
14. digital camera & accessories
15. Brick phone charge storage (large and small)
16. earbuds 
17. pens 
18. TEVAs (heavy duty sandals)
19. plain black pants
20. 2 work blouses
21. trail running shoes
22. T-shirt 
23. jean shorts
24. travel pillow
25. sleeping mask 
26. my lucky sarongs
27. rain boots (because rainy season)
28. Snacks 
29. sectional hula hoop (30" polypro)
30. umbrella 

Talking About Money is Tacky

Luckily, so am I. 

I wish more people were. I had trouble finding a straight answer on how much this cross-the-world adventure of mine would be. I have heard from r/vietnam and some expat forums that you can move to Vietnam with a CELTA certification and 1000 USD to your name and be totally fine, but I have yet to see a breakdown for that. I am both a worrier and the kind of dumb American that would get totally scammed so I decided to triple that number and allocate $3,000 as survival money. 

I'm trying to be an optimist. Even though I am solidly lower, lower middle class, let's talk about some financial advantages I DO have: 

1. I have a safety net here in the states, albeit a small one. I have a family and/or a dedicated boyfriend I could probably guilt into helping me if I flunked out of this completely and came back to the US with no place to live. Plus these kind souls are letting me store things at their house. 

2. I only have around $6,500 in student loans still due right now, all below 2.5% interest. My monthly bill is super manageable. 

3. I have no other debt. No car loan, no credit card, no mortgage, no medical debt, nothing. 

4. I am not on any prescription drugs, and have no recurring medical conditions that cost me any money. 

5. I am a girl. People buy me things. 

6. Somehow, though a clerical error or an act of the merciful flying spaghetti monster, my "2 year" AT&T mobile contract ended early so I do not have to pay an insane cancellation fee.  

With that in mind, if you want to do what I'm about to do, here's what I've spent: 

Celta class through Apollo in HCMC: 36, 500, 000 VND (1,473 USD) + $40 wire transfer fee 

+ Flight on EVA Air: $490. Also I am probably going to get charged out the ass for baggage overages. So another $150?  $200?

+ Hotel in HCMC for a month while I take the CELTA: 6,200,000 VND (278 USD). No, that's not a typo. That's less than $9 a night. 

+ Large Luggage: $129  

+ Clothes: $400. (new running shoes, additional conservative work clothes, sturdy shoes, yoga clothes, and bras and underwear. I am a giant, I heard I will not be able to buy much there) 

+ Makeup/toiletries: $200 (stocking up, who knows if they'll have my brands?)  

+ Visa-on-Arrival: $30 + $25 "stamping fee" 

+ Books for my CELTA Course: $43 

+ Outlet Converters: $41 

________________________________________________________________________________

~$3,349.  

This has been a depressing distraction from packing, I should get back to it.  

UP NEXT! How to Fit All Your Shit Into One Large Rolling Bag, One Backpack, and One Carryon! (AKA F*CK IT JUST LEAVE EVERYTHING ON THE CURB)

What I've Done So Far:

This blog won't be getting updated very much until I actually leave, but in case anyone cares, right now I am going to talk about what I have done to prepare.

Most of my preparation has been super gradual and kind of more lifestyle-based: drastically reducing my spending habits to save up a healthy emergency fund, discussing how to handle this long(er) distance relationship with my boyfriend, determining whether this is career suicide for me (and subsequently deciding that IDGAF), purposely not buying new clothes, furniture, or other things I could not bring with me, fixing my jacked up teeth while I have good dental insurance, etc. All very important steps, but they yield nothing that I can really show.

Of the "soft prep," the most important has been talking to people who have lived abroad or taught. I have been very blessed to have so many people in my life who have gone out of their way to introduce me to people who can help!

This is the concrete important stuff that I did, though:

1. Arranged to get my teaching credentials. 

 

According to the internet and a few people I've met, the gold standard of Teaching English as a Foreign Language certifications is the CELTA which is a standard course offered by International House. I signed up to take the CELTA through a school called Apollo in Ho Chi Minh City.

 I could have taken the CELTA here in the States pretty easily BUT I've chosen to take the class through in Vietnam because:

       A: It's cheaper. Like more than 1,400 USD cheaper. The CELTA costs $2,795 if you opt to take it in the United States or most places in Europe, and the price goes up if you choose to do a "blended class" that combines online and in-class component. The class is also almost exclusively available in cities, which, you know, gets expensive unless you have family there to mooch off of (I don't). 
       B: I would have had to choose between going to class full-time for a month (5 days a week, 9 to 5) or going part-time which would have eaten months up of my precious weekends, all while I'm living in a not-so-economical housing market here in Philadelphia. This way, I get to work right up until I leave. 

2. Applied for my Visa (Upon Arrival.) 

 

At the suggestion of Apollo, I applied for a 3 month tourist visa so I can take the class.

This was actually way, way easier than I thought it would be. It was so easy, in fact, that I am very nervous that I got scammed. It cost $30 through visa-vietnam.org. Apparently, this is a thing. Also, getting email spam from McAfee anti-virus afterward is also a thing which is really unfortunate, and not really helping the case that this is not a scam.

3. Found a place to stay during my class in Ho Chi Minh City

 

I'm staying in a hotel while I am in my class for a month. Costs a whopping $9 a night and it is right across the street from the school I am attending!

4. Sold my belongings, let my lease run out, and found a place to crash for the summer  

 

A huge reason I am doing this trip is because it's easy for me to drop everything and leave. I don't own a house (or even a car), I don't have any kids or pets or even plants that I need to take care of. The only annoying thing I had to deal with was the awkward span of time between my lease running out and when I leave (lease on my West Philly apartment ran out June 1, I leave August 31st). Luckily, 2 friends from college totally saved me and I am living in a teeny tiny room in a shared house for the summer (Thank you Bill and Josh!)

 
So really, I'm basically good! All I have left to do is figure out what to do about my 2 year phone contract with AT&T, find a place to put the rest of my worldly possessions, get a travel credit card, destroy 10 years worth of my diaries (because I sure as f*** am not leaving them with my mother or my boyfriend), get some shots for god knows what diseases, get a doctor to prescribe me Xanax for the flight because I am a spazz, find health insurance, and buy underwear because according to the forums I read they don't have any that will fit me over there, get a new laptop because mine is on its last leg, buy modest clothes...

Actually maybe there is still a lot to do. 

So its happening (like 89%)

For almost a year and a half, I have had this nebulous plan to move to Southeast Asia to teach English. 

Well, it's happening (like 89% at least). Today I let my boss know that I am planning to fly to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam on August 30th (my 25th birthday). 3 months notice is pretty nice of me, right? So it's real. Like really real. I can finally talk about my plan on social media and be Facebook official with this major life change.

I'm going to live-blog the experience for two reasons: 

1. To keep my friends and family in the loop if they care to be. 

2. To help anyone who is considering trying what I am about to do. English teachers to Speakers of Foreign Languages are a very bloggy/chatty bunch, and I have found blogs by various nomads and expats extremely helpful.

In my next post, I will go further into what steps I have taken so far in my journey to Ho Chi Minh City, and what my exact plan is, but for now, here are some FAQs that I have been answering for months any time ANYONE has found out I am moving: 

Q: Do you speak Vietnamese? 
A: No. And I am terrible at picking up languages. Just ask my poor, patient Russian boyfriend.  

Q: Have you ever been to Vietnam before? 
A: Nope! Barely even traveled at all, actually.

Q:  Is your boyfriend going with you? 
A: While it is true that Max and I have been dating for almost 5 years and we are very serious, the answer is no, he will not be moving to Vietnam with me.

Q: Do you know anyone in Ho Chi Minh City? 
A: No. Friends of friends live there, that is about it.

Q: How long will you be in Vietnam? 
A: At least a year, but we will see how it goes. I also plan on traveling for a few months after my teaching contract is up.

Q: Do you know where you are going to live? 
A: I know where I am going to stay for the first month. After that, who knows!

Q: Do you have a job lined up? 
A: Nope. I am taking a certification class (CELTA) through a program called Apollo in HCMC and I am going to apply for jobs once I am there.

Q: What are you doing with all of your stuff? 
A: This is an ongoing problem. Can I store some at your house? :)

Q: Why? 
A: Because I can.