Loss

I skipped Sunday. A lot of things have been going on. I'll try not to make a habit of it. 

I thought that I did not miss home at all.

I was wrong. I haven't been feeling homesick because I bailed on my life and started a new one. Everything fresh, everything unfamiliar. Vietnam Nadine is very happy. She just got a job, she found an apartment, she can navigate the streets of Saigon on her motorbike and give directions to backpackers. She's independent and a little reckless. She makes friends easily, drinks too much, and smokes too many Vietnamese cigarettes. She's pretty selfish.

And yet... I should be feeling loss. My niece was born two weeks ago, and who knows when I will get to meet her. My friends are starting new jobs and new exciting things. Everyone is making plans for Halloween. My family is probably getting together for Thanksgiving. My relationships are crumbling because I can't be bothered to maintain them. I feel loss and regret very acutely for a minute or two at at time, but that's it.

Maybe I am feeling a little moody because I have decided that I am staying here for longer than a year. I am on a part time contract for 3 months at a language school, and if I get my work permit and am invited to stay, I will probably sign for a full year. This will extend my time in Saigon to almost 18 months, especially factoring in the backpacking and traveling that I want to do. And who knows, if I am good at this, maybe I will stay longer. I don't know. I am having a proper quarter-life crisis.